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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28687071">Guilt</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/idk_what_username_to_use/pseuds/idk_what_username_to_use'>idk_what_username_to_use</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Big Mouth (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Guilt, Multi, should say Shane Lizard instead of Shame Wizard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:13:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,553</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28687071</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/idk_what_username_to_use/pseuds/idk_what_username_to_use</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Matthew's guilt is building up, and now he is slowing loosing all control.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>*I have done something bad. Sure, I made everyone on the bus sing to him but, I still spent the whole day being shitty to Steve. He’s an imbecile but, when I got home, I thought about what the old gay man had said (the one from Guy Town). He had told me that he regrets not being nicer, how being nice “won’t kill ya”. I lied to Steve, made him have to learn about 9/11 in probably the worst way ever (thinking it’s all about your birthday and then finding out it’s a day of death and destruction). I also used 9/11 as a joke. I just can’t understand how I want people to like me but at the same time I’m being a little cunt.*</p><p>Shane Lizard: “Yes. What you did was bad and singing wasn’t enough to make it right”</p><p>Matthew: “I already know that! I still feel bad, okay?!”</p><p>Shane Lizard smirks.</p><p>Shane Lizard: “Good, good”</p><p>Maury: “He did his best Shame Wizard, he tried to make it better. Why can’t you leave the kid alone?”</p><p>Shane Lizard: “Oh, okay. But do know, I don’t need to be here anyways. He knows what he did.”</p><p>Maury: “Oh fuck off.”</p><p>Shane Lizard disappears in thin air.</p><p>Maury: “C’mon Matt, let’s FaceTime Aiden.”</p><p>Matthew: “I don’t want to do that, I need to be alone and think.”</p><p>Maury is hurt, he too disappears.</p><p>Matthew starts crying.</p><p>*I’m a bad person, I’m not just some funny kind of mean gay kid, I’m just mean.*</p><p>Matthew looks at his phone. He starts scrolling, looking at memes and sees a message notification. Matthew taps on it and is shocked and starts to cry harder. </p><p>The message says,</p><p>Aiden: Hey, I don’t know how to say this but, we have to break up. I’m sorry, I just don’t feel like we’re working.</p><p>*Why am I even crying? I don’t deserve to feel bad. I’m probably the one who messed up the relationship anyways. I’m a bad person, why should I be allowed to be upset?*</p><p>Matthew texts Jessi telling her that Aiden broke up with him. Jessi FaceTimes him but he doesn’t answer.</p><p>*I just don’t get why I do this, I’m horrible to everybody. I messed with Steve, Aiden, and even just now with Jessi. I’m a bad person and I can’t stop myself from doing bad things.*</p><p>Matthew lays down, feeling done. Done with pain, sadness, all emotion. He was just done.</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Matthew opens his eyes and sits up. He feels the crust on his eyes, his dry throat, and his heavy but also somehow light head. He opens his phone with the same feeling he had from last night. He sees he has four messages. </p><p>Jessi: Dude, that totally sucks. He doesn’t deserve you </p><p>Coach Steve: Id lik 2 ordr q pissa</p><p>Aiden: Hope you’re not too mad at me</p><p>Jay: hey dude, heard from jessi that aiden dumped you. thats too bad :/</p><p>Matthew has mixed feelings about the texts.</p><p>*Super sweet that Jessi cares but, what the actual fuck. Why would she tell Jay that Aiden broke up with me? Also, does Coach Steve know that he texted me? If anything, I should be glad that he texted me at all, after what I did to him I’m not sure I deserve his time. Do I deserve anyone’s time?*</p><p>Matthew knows he should get ready for school so he gets dressed and packed up and heads over. He thinks about everything that’s happened and what he’s done to cause it. Eventually he finds himself in class staring off in the distance. He feels eyes on him but when he looks around nobody is looking at him.</p><p>*What is wrong with me? Am I so self absorbed that I feel eyes on me all the time? No wonder Aiden dumped me.*</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Matthew keeps having outbursts and wants to make things right.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There is some cuss words (this is a Big Mouth fanfic, don't be too surprised)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Matthew is headed to his next class when he hears someone call his name, it's Jessi.</p>
<p>Jessi: “Matthew! Wait up!”</p>
<p>Matthew: “Hi Jessi.”</p>
<p>Jessi: “Hey so, how come you didn’t do your show this morning.”</p>
<p>*Did I forget about doing the show? I’m so irresponsible.*</p>
<p>Jessi: “Are you okay? I know the whole break up must’ve been difficult but I didn’t expect you to be this hurt.”</p>
<p>Matthew puts on a fake smile.</p>
<p>Matthew: “I’m fine Jessi, seriously.”</p>
<p>*Should I ask her why she told Jay? No, I never told her not to tell anyone so I need to be fine with this. Maybe I shouldn’t have told her? No, that’d be rude. I wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret anyways.*</p>
<p>Jessi: “Seriously Matthew, are you okay? You don’t look like you’re doing good.”</p>
<p>Matthew: “Oh my god, I AM FINE. JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.”</p>
<p>Jessi steps back in shock.</p>
<p>*Did I just scream at Jessi? When she was trying to be nice? I’m just so bad. And now people are looking at me, I’m the bad guy. I can’t blame them, I really am.*</p>
<p>Matthew runs. He runs down random hallways looking for somewhere to hide.</p>
<p>*Should I go to the gym? No, Coach Steve is there and I can’t face him. Maybe to the bathroom? No, people go there all the time, it would be a terrible hiding place. Maybe my class? No, all the students would stare at me. Maybe a closet? No one uses them anyways.*</p>
<p>Matthew finds a random closet and sits down. The closet is only lit by one lightbulb that swings from the ceiling. Matthew has already closed the door so it takes some time to turn the light on at all. Afterwards he just sits, thinking. </p>
<p>*Do I even deserve to be alone? I deserve the stares, I literally screamed at Jessi. All she was doing was trying to make me feel better and I fucking lashed out at her. Just because I feel shitty doesn’t mean I can do that. Now she hates me and she deserves to feel that way. I just suck. I’m a shitty person.*</p>
<p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>The classes go by and Matthew stays in the closet but it still feels slow and dreadful, as if the classes got longer and the day was longer. Eventually, he hears lots of footsteps going by, but they were going in one direction. He knows that it means school is over so he blends in with the crowd as much as he can and heads home.</p>
<p>*I just spent basically the entire day hiding in a closet. I spent the whole day throwing a stupid pity party. I don’t deserve to feel bad.*</p>
<p>Maury suddenly appears.</p>
<p>Maury: “Hey man, how ya doing? Sorry I didn’t come by, I gave Andrew a boner in the middle of math class. He used his jacket to hide it, it was hilarious my man. How come you weren’t there? Were you jerking off in the bathroom or something?”</p>
<p>Matthew: “No, I was sitting in a closet all day.”</p>
<p>Maury: “Is that supposed to be a metaphor for the time before you came out? Because it’s just sad.”</p>
<p>Matthew: “No Maury, I literally spent the whole day inside a closet.”</p>
<p>Maury: “Why? Is it because of the whole Shame Wizard guy, because I can tell him to fuck off.”</p>
<p>Matthew: “No, it's not about the Shame Wizard.”</p>
<p>*Am I doing this for attention? I’m just wasting Maury’s time with my stupid outbursts.*</p>
<p>Maury: “Then why were you in a closet all day?”</p>
<p>Matthew: “I yelled at Jessi for basically no reason.”</p>
<p>Maury: “Oh, why did you yell at her?”</p>
<p>Matthew: “I DON’T KNOW MAURY!”</p>
<p>*Did I seriously just yell at Maury? Why do I keep doing this? I’m so horrible!*</p>
<p>Maury: “Jeez why are you so tightly wound? Do you need to jerk off or something?”</p>
<p>Matthew: “NO. WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND JERKING OFF?”<br/>
Maury steps back, truly insulted this time. Matthew is in shock that he could scream that at a HORMONE MONSTER.</p>
<p>Maury: “I’m just going to give you some time alone.”</p>
<p>*I can’t believe I keep doing this, I just keep yelling at people and being so horrible. Am I just a bad person who is just now releasing my bad attitude? No, I’ve always been like this. I’m always horrible to people.*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry, I've been super slow writing. Chapters are gonna come pretty slow.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Matthew feels bad about what he's done, then he runs into someone in the hallway.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Matthew wakes up again, puts his clothes on again, and heads to school again. He arrives at school and can’t tell if he’s on the spotlight or invisible. He spots Jessi and wants to apologize but can’t.</p><p>*If I try to apologize I might just end up screaming at her again. She doesn’t deserve to deal with that. To deal with me. But she deserves an apology. So does Maury, and Coach Steve. Aiden also probably deserves an apology.*</p><p>Matthew goes back to the closet and starts working on some apology letters. There are more than just letters to Jessi, Maury, Coach Steve and Aiden. There are letters for Caleb, for Nick, for Andrew, for Missy, for Jay. He starts thinking deeper than just I’m sorry. He thinks about what he can even do. </p><p>*I’ve done horrible things, what are my options?*</p><p>Then, he thinks about something he saw in the news. There was a person who had cut their arms and said that it was a release.</p><p>*I wonder what it would be a release of? I’m not sure I want to do that though, knives are super sharp and I’m not sure I want to be cutting my skin.*</p><p>Matthew continues to work on the letters. He starts to cry.</p><p>*I’m just such a bad person, I do such bad things to good people. And now I’m crying about it when I don’t deserve to be the one crying. I’m such a fucking asshole.*</p><p>Once Matthew finishes writing the letters, he waits until the next passing period is over. </p><p>*I can’t have anybody see me, I need to stay invisible.*</p><p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>The next passing period comes and goes like normal. Once it’s over, Matthew slowly exits the closet. He has been sitting down for hours so his legs are delicate and wobbly. He starts walking around the hallways, originally to put letters in lockers but now just to take in the view.</p><p>*I never realized how empty these hallways can feel, almost lonely. That’s probably just because I’m the only person out here. Probably…*</p><p>Matthew puts letters in lockers but hides when he realizes that he sees someone. He tries to crawl away but realizes he’s been spotted.</p><p>Coach Steve: “Matthew! You’re also in these tunnels.”</p><p>*Shit. Why is Coach Steve here? Now I have to talk to him and apologize and stuff. I don’t even deserve to apologize, he deserves to ignore me. Why is he not ignoring me?*</p><p>Matthew: “Uh, hi Coach Steve, what are you doing here?”</p><p>Coach Steve: “Well I was getting some more of those bouncy oranges and I got lost.”</p><p>Matthew: “Bouncy oranges? Do you mean basketballs?”</p><p>Coach Steve: “I don’t know, do basketballs make the squeaky sound?”</p><p>Matthew: “Yeah, sometimes.”</p><p>Coach Steve: “Okay! I trust you Matthew!”</p><p>Matthew freezes, he doesn’t know what to do or say.</p><p>Matthew: “You trust me?”</p><p>Coach Steve: “Yeah, I trust you!”</p><p>Matthew: “W-why?”</p><p>Coach Steve: “Because I trust you.”</p><p>Matthew: “Yeah I get that, but why do you trust me?”</p><p>Coach Steve: “Because I trust you.”</p><p>Matthew: “I understand, but why?”</p><p>Coach Steve: “Because I trust you.”Matthew: “STEVE! JUST TELL ME WHY YOU TRUST ME!”</p><p>Matthew steps back in horror, but Steve seems unfazed.</p><p>Matthew: “Steve I am so sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you.”</p><p>Coach Steve: “It’s okay Matthew, in the diaper barge the birds bite if you talk to them.”</p><p>Matthew: “Shit Steve, that’s horrible.”</p><p>Maury appears out of nowhere.</p><p>Maury: “I know you want your time alone but I need to tell you something. Wait, why are you out here with Coach Steve?”</p><p>Matthew: “He was just in the hallways.”</p><p>Maury: “And you chose to talk to him?”</p><p>Matthew: “Yeah, I still feel bad. Anyways, what did you want to say?”</p><p>Maury: “I just wanted to tell you that I haven’t been around as much and it’s fair that you’re mad at me.”</p><p>Matthew: “Thanks Maury but you really don’t have to apologize.”</p><p>Maury: “But really, I’ve been out giving Andrew boners when I was supposed to be around to make you jerk off.”</p><p>Matthew: “You don’t have to talk about that.”</p><p>Maury: “What I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry.”</p><p>Matthew: “I forgive you, and I’m also sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just keep doing mean things to people and I can’t stop.”</p><p>Maury: “That’s okay, and hey, if you ever need some help jerking off, I will come immediately.”</p><p>Maury starts snickering.</p><p>Matthew: “Not funny.”</p><p>Maury: “I know, I know.”</p><p>Maury and Matthew hug and Coach Steve watches.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Message From Author</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Message from author</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hey! This is the author. I'm sorry to say but I'm not putting a new chapter up this weekend. I have some stuff going on (you know, life) so... yeah. I'll do my best to get a chapter (or two) up by next week. Sorry for the inconvenience.  -The Author</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Matthew leaves the school and gets a visit from somebody who read his note...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Coach Steve eventually walks away because he trips over a random golf ball. Maury also leaves. Matthew is alone again. He gets back to putting letters in lockers.</p>
<p>*I wonder when they’re going to find my letters. How will they respond? Will they hate me? Will they accept me? Shit, why is this so complicated*</p>
<p>Matthew continues going on, the process of putting letters in lockers becoming a pattern. His brain starts flying away, thinking about his childhood crush on Harry Potter, about his childhood crush on Draco Malfoy, the fanfiction he’s read about Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy. After finishing putting letters in lockers, he goes back to the closet where he spends the rest of the day. He spends the time thinking about everything that’s gone on.</p>
<p>*Do I deserve to be broken up with? Probably, but if anything it’s equal fault on my side and Aiden’s. But yelling at Jessi is fully on me. I don’t even remember what I yelled at her for. Why can’t I be a good person?*</p>
<p>Eventually, Matthew just leaves the school.</p>
<p>*It’s not like anyone will notice I’m gone, as long as I don’t go home.*</p>
<p>Matthew goes to the park, goes to the slide where he and Aiden almost had their first kiss. Matthew can’t help but start crying.</p>
<p>*It was my fault, I was a bad boyfriend, I need this pain.*</p>
<p>Matthew walks around the park more until he trips and scrapes his knee. Blood gushes out and he winces for a second before standing back up. </p>
<p>*It’s just some blood, it’ll go away anyways.*</p>
<p>Matthew walks around, empty headed.</p>
<p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>Once Matthew knows that school is over, he heads home. He knows that there is still blood on his leg, but he also knows that his mom is probably busy. When he gets to his room he crawls into his bed. He can’t help but cry, the tears come without much warning. He sits there, crying, for hours. Never once getting up, just sitting, rocking back and forth, crying. </p>
<p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>The door of Matthew’s bedroom opens and Matthew sees a face peek in. Matthew looks closely and realizes it’s Brittany. Brittany’s eyes are looking directly at his bloody knee.</p>
<p>Matthew: “What do you want Brittany?”</p>
<p>Brittany: “Matthew, why does your knee look like that?”</p>
<p>Matthew sighs and rolls his eyes.</p>
<p>Matthew: “Just tell me what you want.”</p>
<p>*Why am I speaking like this to Brittany, what’s wrong with me?*</p>
<p>Brittany: “Jessi is here.”</p>
<p>Matthew: “Okay, thanks Brittany.”</p>
<p>Jessi walks into Matthew’s room as Brittany closes the door.</p>
<p>Jessi: “Hey Matthew.”</p>
<p>Matthew: “Jessi.”</p>
<p>*Why would she come here? Did she get my note? Is she mad about it? Why would she be mad about an apology? WHY IS MY BRAIN SO ANNOYING?</p>
<p>Jessi: “Matthew, what’s been going on? Have you been feeling okay?”</p>
<p>Matthew: “Yeah, I’ve been good.”</p>
<p>*Why did I say I’m okay? Why can’t I admit that I’m not doing good, at least out loud?*</p>
<p>Jessi: “Please be honest Matthew, this note… you know that we care about you, right? No one wants something bad to happen to you.”</p>
<p>Matthew starts crying, he doesn’t know why or even how.</p>
<p>Matthew: “I want to believe you, I really do. I just… I can’t. I can’t believe you when you tell me.”</p>
<p>Jessi starts to come near Matthew, landing on the edge of his bed.</p>
<p>Jessi: “Can you tell me why?”</p>
<p>Matthew: “I- you wouldn’t understand.”</p>
<p>Jessi: “Why do you assume that?”</p>
<p>Matthew: “Because I’m the one with this brain, I’m the one doing bad things, I’m the one hurting others, do you really think someone like me should live? I don’t deserve to live.”</p>
<p>Jessi: “Matthew, are you serious?”</p>
<p>*WHY DID I SAY THAT?! SHE’S GOING TO TELL MY PARENTS! SHE MIGHT THINK I’M CRAZY!*</p>
<p>Jessi: “Matthew, you don’t deserve to die. You’re important, you know that right?”</p>
<p>*I’m important, I’m important. But doesn’t that make me bad for killing myself if I’m important?*</p>
<p>Jessi: “Matthew, we care about you, I want you to know that.”</p>
<p>Matthew: “I know, I know.”</p>
<p>*I have to pretend like I believe that, no one cares about me. Aiden doesn’t, Jessi doesn’t, nobody in my family does, no one cares about me. I don’t even care about myself.*</p>
<p>Matthew: “I think I need some time alone.”</p>
<p>Jessi: “Okay.”</p>
<p>Jessi leaves Matthew’s room and Matthew lets his bed absorb him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry that I haven't been putting up chapters consistently, I'm putting out the last chapter (most likely) later today. Thank you for being kind and waiting around. :)) (yes that is a double chin, do you have a problem with it?!?!)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Someone tells Matthew something he didn't even know he needed to hear</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Matthew: “Maury?”</p>
<p>Maury appears, seemingly out of nowhere.</p>
<p>Maury: “Matt. What do you need?”</p>
<p>Matthew: “Well, I know it’s not your job, but could you give me some advice?”</p>
<p>Maury: “Sure. But just know, nothing is too dirty for me, I would still count it as my job.”</p>
<p>Matthew: “It’s not about that Maury.”</p>
<p>*I get that Maury is a hormone monster, but his mind is extremely filthy.*</p>
<p>Matthew: “So Jessi came over and I might’ve told her something I shouldn’t have.”</p>
<p>Maury: “Is it some sort of kink?”</p>
<p>Matthew: “No, I told her that I want to die and she reacted kind of weird.”</p>
<p>Maury: “WHAT?”</p>
<p>*I shouldn’t have told Maury.*</p>
<p>Maury: “Matthew, tell me honestly, are you suicidal?”</p>
<p>Matthew: “I wouldn’t say suicidal, I’d say that I have an urge to take myself from life.”</p>
<p>Maury: “Are you depressed?”</p>
<p>Matthew: “I don’t think I’m depressed, I’m just in a state of falling deeper into my own despair. Also, since I haven’t been diagnosed by a doctor, I can’t call myself depressed.”</p>
<p>Maury: “Matthew, why do you feel this way?”</p>
<p>Matthew: “I don’t know if there’s really a reason Maury.”</p>
<p>Maury gives Matthew a hug.</p>
<p>Maury: “Do you want to talk to someone about this?”</p>
<p>Matthew: “I don’t think so.”</p>
<p>Maury: “If you need anything or are tempted to do anything, come to me. I might seem like just some horny hormone monster, but I do care. That’s why I tell you and other kids to jack off in school bathrooms.”</p>
<p>Matthew: “That’s, very sweet Maury. The first part, not the part about jacking off in school bathrooms. But I understand the message.”</p>
<p>Maury disappears and leaves Matthew alone with his thoughts.</p>
<p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
<p>Matthew finds himself going to classes, he’s not paying attention, there’s too much on his brain. The teachers didn’t notice his absence, which was surprising to him since he often made snarky remarks in class. </p>
<p>After classes, Matthew was stopped in the halls by Andrew Glourberman, the class pervert. </p>
<p>Andrew: “Hi Matthew.”</p>
<p>Matthew: “Oh, hello Andrew.”</p>
<p>Andrew: “I wanted to say that I’m happy you’re back in class.”</p>
<p>Matthew: “Thank you Andrew.”</p>
<p>Andrew: “Maury told me, by the way.”</p>
<p>Matthew: “About what?”</p>
<p>*Did Maury tell Andrew about my deadly thoughts?*</p>
<p>Andrew: “He told me that you’ve been wanting to y’know… die.”</p>
<p>*So he did tell Andrew that.*</p>
<p>Andrew: “And I know that I’m the last person you want to hear this from but, doing some bad things don’t make you a totally bad person. I mean, I’m the biggest perv of the school, probably besides Jay, and I’m not necessarily a bad person.”</p>
<p>Matthew: “I believe you when you say you’re not bad, but I know I am.”</p>
<p>Andrew: “Matthew, do you want to know why you’re not a bad person?”</p>
<p>Matthew: “Sure, as if there’s anything to prove that.”</p>
<p>Andrew rolls his eyes.</p>
<p>Andrew: “Matthew, the fact that you feel all this guilt shows that you’re at least a decent person, bad people wouldn’t feel guilty about it. Also, you’ve obviously owned up to your mistakes and have tried to make things better which is more than you can say for others. You’re not a bad person Matthew, and you don’t deserve to die.”</p>
<p>Matthew starts tearing up.</p>
<p>Andrew: “You’re allowed to be sad and upset, you’re allowed to feel that, but you should know that you’re not a bad person, and people care about you.”</p>
<p>Matthew: “Thank you Andrew, you may not be a horrible perv, maybe more of a nice perv.”</p>
<p>Andrew: “A compliment from Matthew? Matthew MacDell? Well this is my lucky day.”</p>
<p>Matthew chuckles.</p>
<p>*Maybe I’m not the best, but I guess I’m not the worst. Also, I should probably stop calling Andrew a pervert, he’s a decent man.*</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>BTW I'm probably gonna add in some Jatthew stuff to this, but I'll do my best to keep the focus on Matthew.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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